Congratulations! You did a very good job as a beginner!
1.This topic is based on the vocabulary and sentence patterns in Unit 1-6 about career and grammar (subject+shi+noun)
2. You use them to write about the topic in Chinese characters.
3. You also enhance your learning by using the sentence pattern, "当我是一个孩子时."“我喜欢..."
4. Your writing is concise, fluent, perfect and comprehensible except for a few things in the separate version.
5. It is amazing that you use the adverbial clause of time correctly before the main action.
Thank you so much for the great work. Please keep it up. Best wishes to you!非常好! 您能用汉语文字清楚地表达熟悉的意思。您能在熟悉的题目下用课内的知识,创造中文句子。您使用的课文的句型和词汇很正确。我只作了一点修改。 在课内知识基础上,您可以学习其他的中文表达法,丰富您的汉语知识。非常感谢您。继续努力!我为您祝福!
你应该这样说:当我是小孩子的时候,我梦想中的工作是做一名警官.我现在是一名电工,我非常喜欢这份工作,但我还是比较喜欢玩电脑,因为在现今电脑对我们的日常工作和生活是非常有用的.that'all.thank you!you have made a great progress in learning chinese actually.very good!go on.